My Daughter, My Life

You don't realize what you've got until it's gone.

We've all heard that saying many times before, but until we come face to face with a situation like it, we don't quite realize how it will impact us.  I'm facing that situation now being deployed far away from my daughter Katrina for the first time since she was born in 2008.  As she gets ready to turn 2 years old at the end of February, I can't help but reflect back on my life with her so far.

I consider myself to be a pretty involved Dad overall.  I absolutely love Katrina and love to spend time and do things with her.  I've never ignored her or left her to fend for herself.  That being said, I keep asking myself, "Have I always treated her as the biggest part of my life that she is?"  Thinking back, I realize that many times I've been just above the bare minimum when it comes to my responsibilities as a Dad.  Looking back over the last two years I realize I've been very selfish with my time.  All too often I forgot that with a child, it really is no longer my time.

Now this is not to say that wanting to do something for myself was wrong.  As human beings, we all still have wants and needs.  Even when a child enters the picture, parents still have the need to do things on their own.  There is nothing wrong with that and it is quite normal.  The problem I have discovered though is that I was too often putting my wants and needs over Katrina's and because of that , I've missed out on a lot of opportunities to spend time and bond with my daughter.  Being deployed now and so far away from her, there is nothing I wouldn't do to just be there spending time with her right now.  Unfortunately, in order to make life better for her and my wife Kristin, I cannot do that for awhile.

So what do I do then?  I cannot get back the time that has already passed.  I also cannot wallow in pity and regret as that doesn't do anyone any good.  For the time being, I will be as involved as I possibly can while being so far away.  My weekly webcam chats with Katrina and Kristin certainly help and I think they are good for the both of us.  Going forward I have also pledged to my wife (and myself) that things will be different when I return home in November.  Not having her near me has brought back into the forefront of my mind just how important she is to me.

After all, since she was born her life became mine.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Dedicated to my Katrina.  Daddy loves you!