My Daughter, My Life

You don't realize what you've got until it's gone.

We've all heard that saying many times before, but until we come face to face with a situation like it, we don't quite realize how it will impact us.  I'm facing that situation now being deployed far away from my daughter Katrina for the first time since she was born in 2008.  As she gets ready to turn 2 years old at the end of February, I can't help but reflect back on my life with her so far.

I consider myself to be a pretty involved Dad overall.  I absolutely love Katrina and love to spend time and do things with her.  I've never ignored her or left her to fend for herself.  That being said, I keep asking myself, "Have I always treated her as the biggest part of my life that she is?"  Thinking back, I realize that many times I've been just above the bare minimum when it comes to my responsibilities as a Dad.  Looking back over the last two years I realize I've been very selfish with my time.  All too often I forgot that with a child, it really is no longer my time.

Now this is not to say that wanting to do something for myself was wrong.  As human beings, we all still have wants and needs.  Even when a child enters the picture, parents still have the need to do things on their own.  There is nothing wrong with that and it is quite normal.  The problem I have discovered though is that I was too often putting my wants and needs over Katrina's and because of that , I've missed out on a lot of opportunities to spend time and bond with my daughter.  Being deployed now and so far away from her, there is nothing I wouldn't do to just be there spending time with her right now.  Unfortunately, in order to make life better for her and my wife Kristin, I cannot do that for awhile.

So what do I do then?  I cannot get back the time that has already passed.  I also cannot wallow in pity and regret as that doesn't do anyone any good.  For the time being, I will be as involved as I possibly can while being so far away.  My weekly webcam chats with Katrina and Kristin certainly help and I think they are good for the both of us.  Going forward I have also pledged to my wife (and myself) that things will be different when I return home in November.  Not having her near me has brought back into the forefront of my mind just how important she is to me.

After all, since she was born her life became mine.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Dedicated to my Katrina.  Daddy loves you!

To Make Katrina Laugh

To Make Katrina Laugh
Originally uploaded by VirginiaSouthern

All I need to do is be my goofy self.

Enjoying a webcam chat with Kristin and Katrina. It's the high point of each week for me.

Responsible Use of Time vs. Responsible Use of Energy

I read an article in the Air Force Times this evening about initiatives the Air Force is rolling out in an attempt to conserve energy. Many of the plans make a lot of sense and I am fully behind them. Ideas such as finding ways to conserve jet fuel while still ensuring pilots get all their required training and using solar panels to help power airfield lighting, hangars, etc. are both excellent ideas. They would not only benefit the environment around us, but in the long term would net financial savings as well. In this day and age where tax dollars are spent by the truckloads, anything we can do to give the tax payer the best bang for their buck is fine by me.

What I am not behind is the plan to create a CBT (computer based training) to teach Airmen how they can be better at conserving energy. In this day and age of ever increasing deployment lengths (6 months - 1 year are becoming the norm) and increased taskings, this is yet one more thing to throw upon our Airmen who already have a lot on their plate. It also seem to be contrary to the Air Force's AFSO21 (Air Force Smart Operations for the 21st Century) credo of doing less with less.

Isn't there a way to to incorporate energy saving tips into everyday training? Or how about making this a point of discussion during existing squadron/flight/workcenter meetings or the mandatory feedback sessions that all supervisors are required to conduct with their subordinates. I would bet money that the majority of Airmen are more apt to understand and put those things into practice from face to face discussions then from clicking through yet another boring CBT. With all the CBTs that the Air Force now requires us to take, many personnel (I'm one of them) simply just click through without really reaping any benefit from them. In many cases (while extreme, they are not uncommon) Airmen are spending more time on CBTs and additional duties than concentrating on their primary specialty and that is absolutely unacceptable. Bottom line: Teach our Airmen how to conserve energy, but do so in a way that doesn't bestow any more of a burden on them than they are already carrying.

Another concern I have with the proposed CBT is that it is yet another movement away from face to face interaction between supervisors and subordinates. There is a disturbing trend in the Air Force to fix every problem by sitting an Airman in front of a computer. For those that weren't aware, promotion selection announcements are now made through online notification. Granted, unit leadership is stil encouraged to make face to face congrats, but the days of your unit commander/First Sergeant surprising you with a set of stripes seems to be headed for the history books. More and more we are creating supervisors who have absolutely zero idea how to interact with their Airmen because most everything is being accomplished through computers. Phone calls and face to face conversations are becoming a thing of the past because it is so much more "convenient" to simply send an e-mail.

If the Air Force was looking out for the best interest of it's personnel, then I, as a supervisor would receive training on this from my boss and in turn pass the knowledge onto my subordinates. After all, it is MY responsibility to ensure the readiness of my subordinates. There's no better way to gauge the effectiveness of the training then through personal interaction. A certificate received for completing a CBT tells me nothing more than you completed the CBT. It tells me absolutely zero of what you actually learned and retained.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.